I was Gone, but now I'm Back

It's been a while, bad, I know. As you might have guessed, I stopped doing P90X, though not of my own volition. It was a beautiful Sunday and I was in Tri-Cities playing mini-golf for a girlfriend's birthday. Fun was had by all, though like all the other good things, play time came to an end. However, before we left Golf Universe, mi esposo wanted to check out the driving range and have me demo a few golf clubs.

Eager to please, I obliged, though I really shouldn't have. Shot after horrifying shot, I carefully brought the club up in the air, swung down toward the ground, hit 12 inches behind the tee dragging the club across the two-inch pad layered over the concrete, and followed through... I looked awful and it didn't feel much better either.

By the time I realized that I wasn't accomplishing anything other than physically abusing my own body, the damage had already been done, though I didn't know it, yet.

With the dawn of a beautiful Monday morning I woke and went about my day taking care of my daycare kids. At roughly 1:32 p.m. as I was completing a semi-regular clean sweep, I bent over at the waist to pick a wooden toy block and as I straightened up, something happened. Horrid pain seared through my entire back, sending me doubled over to the floor in a pain that would persist for an additional three weeks which no amount of pain medication would relieve.

And when I began recovery, I didn't want to push things too quickly and risk remission. So here I am, several weeks later, at about the state I started from... (Well, I am about six pounds lighter, but that's really not a consolation.)

So yeah... I quit. But I'm back. I'm gearing up for another go at it, though with a slightly different routine. P90X Lean. It has more cardio, something I really enjoy. When will I start? Soon... more to come...

In The Fast Lane

Sometimes all it feels like I do is go, go, go with nothing to show for all my 'going' at the end of the day. The house may or may not be cleaned. I feel like all I do is reach for something just beyond my grasp, getting tantalizingly close before it flutters away with a mocking laughter as the golden beams of sunshine slowly disappear with it. Reminds me of a verse in the Bible, though I can't put my finger on which one.

It feels like I should have 'arrived' by now, like everything should already be in its place and like life should be flowing on an even keel, but its not, I'm not, my family is not. Instead it feels like I've entered the greatest rat race of all, the one where nobody knows where they're going but they're bound with fury to get there. I guess I'm just not sure what I can do differently, but it doesn't really seem to be working right now.


Sure, I'm probably just in one of my moods, the depressed kind I get every now and again, usually when my introverted secret self hasn't had enough alone time or enough shopping time. My mom began 'fixing' my moods with shopping trips when I was 12. It was really strange, I would be happy go lucky most of the time, determined to be the peace maker in the family, which was difficult because as the middle child, and then KABOOM. Christina just couldn't take it anymore. (I went by Christina then, that was just before I thought of taking on a nickname.) As if a quiet fury ready to explode if something didn't happen Some days I tried to work it out on my own, but I didn't really know how, so most often Mom would just load me in the car and take me shopping. It wasn't always shopping for me, sometimes it was grocery shopping, sometimes window shopping and every now and again it was splurge a little on Christina. Those were the funnest, since most of the time I didn't beg my parents for something I wanted or really even let on that I wanted something, most of the time. That was the role of my sisters, I seemed to be more conscientious of my parents money than they.

So maybe that's why, now I love to go shopping to ease away the stress. Only now, there's a slight problem with shopping to relieve stress because now I'm not spending Mom's money. I spend my own and it's a lot less carefree than it used to be. Darn. like most red-blooded women I know, I really enjoy shopping. I guess I'll have to find some other way... hopefully.

Though I sound like I'm in a real mood, I am feeling better. I think it started around lunch time when I tried to arrange quiet time for my kids long enough for me to make lunch, only as soon as I would get the last child settled into a task then the first would be finished and I wouldn't have made any progress on lunch. It was like I was the bread tossed out to hungry seagulls as they fought over which piece, all gravitating toward the same one and squawking all the while. Insano, but I know its for the greater good- because if my daughter's not worth it, than what is? Nothing, absolutely nothing, because my daughter is the most precious thing I own.

Workout Thoughts

Sorry, sorry. I know it's been a while since I've posted something. Blogging is something I do because I enjoy it, something easy that I can do for me, and like I've probably said before, I tend to put me last on the list.

So I was working out with hubby last night when he said, "Can you believe this our third solid week of working out?"

I've worked out longer than that, haven't I? I thought, though I didn't say anything to him because he was so energetic and excited to pump it out. For the first time, he was eager, setting goals and surpassing them, so I didn't burst his bubble by spouting off what I thought to be true. After working out, I was determined to figure out just how long I have been working out, so I pulled out my workout journal and charted the workouts on my calendar, smiling all the time. When I finished, I looked over the past five weeks filled with exercises. There was one week when I was just so busy that I decided to repeat it, but for the most part, the days are all full. You know what that means? Trying to get my workout game ready, I've really got to push it this week. No more minimum rep workouts. Sigh... It'll be good for me.

After we complete this week, our 'third' week, we'll have a recovery week filled with cardio and yoga. Things like plyometrics, kenpo, yoga (two times I think) and some other things. It'll still be a challenging week and fun because it's a bit different. Then we'll officially get to enter phase two, which means phase two of the nutrition plan, so more options!! Yay! At this rate, we'll be finished with P90X the end of the first week in July... just before we might start trying for another baby.

Gone, Baby, Gone!

I didn't do yoga x yesterday, :( I've found that Thursday's are an extremely difficult day to accomplish a workout unless I do it first thing. I could've done it during nap time, but alas I did not.

So today I was determined like hell to make it up, despite have a busy day ahead planned with exciting things to get ready for the road trip with my girl friend, I did legs, back, abs, and 10 minutes of race walking. I wanted to do pilates too, which uses a lot of core muscles, but decided to rest since I'd completed ab ripper...

But here's the really exciting news. As I was huffing along at the treadmill after completing the other workouts, I noticed that I felt skinnier. My once-tight yoga pants would slip a few inches and I'd have to pull 'em up every other minute. Curious, I took an investigate eye to the problem area and saw that I looked trimmer, more compact. So I finished up my 10 minutes, discovered my scale, balanced it and stepped on. Hmm, and pulling out my red workout journal, I compared the measurements I'd taken on March 21 with today. And then I had to look again. According to the measurements, I have lost 9 pounds! So I did the happy dance and felt encouraged to continue the insanity, noting too that the workouts don't seem so insane.

Ready but Not

(Deep breath, long sigh...) Tonight hubby, my girl friend and I went to play golf at the local community college, with hubby's co-worker showing up a bit later. I had a great time and even managed to improve my shot to 1 over par on my last three holes. It was a 'pat yourself on the back' kind of moment, one where you shouldn't get too cocky or risk messing up your game.

It was fun, but now it's 9:00 p.m, and while I was getting the baby ready for bed, hubby went ahead and started the workout with me, which is fine, but you know what fine means, right? 'Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional.' (Italian Job) Ok, so it's not that bad, but I am disappointed. I shouldn't let it screw up my workout mentality. So instead of completing my workout by 9:30, I'll finish at 10 or 10:15 and miss out on watching a movie with hubby. Why? Because I want so much to be in the best shape of my life, and that doesn't come with out sweat and occasional tears. So yeah, wish me luck, here comes Shoulders and Arms and Abs.

Heart-Racing Workout

"Plain and simple, this is the 'X' in P90X," said Tony Horton, designer of the P90X workout, in the video intro. It's also my least favorite exercise, so last night I bribed my man to complete Plyometrics with me because I've learned that when I work out with him, he encourages me to take it farther than I would alone, and Plyo is my absolutely, very least favorite workout in the P90X series. "This is a high-impact routine. I know it's outta fashion, but it gets results," Horton said. For as much as I hate this, it better get something! Stop that Crissy, get your mind right! I can do this! ... I hate jumping. Urgh!!

It took me a little while, but once I began the second set of the first workout, I was ready to go mentally and determined to work hard, which made a difference, but I woulda been sweatin like hell even if I'd only brought 50 percent. That's how "glorious" Plyometrics is.

Icky, icky being sick. Go away and don't come back so quick!

Illness. When I imagine the word I see people with heads in toilets, though that is probably a better descriptor of a hangover. Rarely do I imagine one writhing in pain when in motion or while laying still. But that's what happened to me last Friday when all my daycare kids were home sick, I was at home and sick too. Only I didn't know it yet. When the funny, icky feeling started up in my tummy and traveled its fiery path to my throat, I thought it strange and managed to complete Yoga X, Legs, Back and Ab Ripper X. Little did I know that for the next day and a half anything I ate would cause excruciating pain and threaten eruption at the slightest movement. Ick.

So what did I do? A whole lotta nothing. I laid. On the couch, on the floor, in bed. I sat too, sometimes. I think there were periods where I didn't move for several hours at a time, which would normally drive me crazy, it's so unlike me. Sometimes I watched TV, but mostly I just sat. It's ironic that during the stillest of times my creativity gets revved way up and I produce beautiful, profound thoughts that I'm sure I'll remember later because my phone is just out of reach and my pen beyond it. But alas, 'tis a falsehood I often tell myself in an attempt to forgive me for being unable to move. Oh well, maybe next time I'll be ready. 

Today I'm feeling better, something I'm quite thankful for, and it's full steam ahead! Later today I'll work in Chest, Back and Abs, and I'm just going let Kenpo go for last week. It's so tough to forgive yourself sometimes, to realize that you can't do and be everything to everyone all the time and to actually be ok with it. It's something I struggle with at least, who knows. Maybe you do too.

Two in One

Drip, drip, drip... the steady stream of sweat rolling off my glistening skin saturated my cerulean workout tank. Yeah, I worked hard, and this was my second workout. Earlier today I completed Yoga X, planning to finish legs, back and ab ripper x this evening, which I did. P90X is really a love/hate relationship. During the workouts, I HATE P90X, only loving it after I'm finished. Boy oh boy am I tired...

I have one more week before a "recovery" week, which isn't easy, it's just different and involves a bit more cardio and stretching. I'm excited about progress!

Spastic Muscles

I'm not old! But I feel it! Nerves twittering, muscles stiffened and sore... Somehow I've managed to 'injure' myself enough to make working out a painful chore. I think started the process Easter weekend, when I didn't stretch before or after two baseball games I played, and then I think I made it worse while doing Cardio X, in place of Plyometrics (for variety). Argh... I'm not that out of shape... Am I?

Last night mi esposo y yo were doing Chest and Back. We'd completed round 1 and were in the second set of round 2 when my legs began complaining, well, it was more like quitting. I was in the middle of pull-ups with resistance bands, hunkered on one knee and leaning forward.With each completed rep, my legs felt more and more tingly, in a bad, I don't think this is good, kinda way, and memories of physical therapy flooded my memory. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore. I know, when you think 'pull-ups' you don't think legs... But somehow they all connect together to work and function. When I told my husband, he said with a determined stare, "That's it, you're done. Go hit the showers."

Devastated, "What about Ab Ripper?"

"You're done."

All right, so I was done. Knowing he was right, I accepted his command and went outside to play with Harley, my Rhodesian Ridgeback, and do some show training, feeling a little reprimanded and reminded of my humanness.

So for tonight's workout, I opted for good old-fashioned running, as it seems that movements to the side or off-center seem to cause the pain to worsen. I think I'll throw my heat pad on my legs again tonight and wake up and to complete x-stretch in the morning. But we'll see how it goes. Each day is not as I expect it to be!

Day 3 (and 4?) on My Birthday

April 9, 2010. Today I am 25 years old, a whole quarter of a century my girlfriend lovingly reminded me.

Already today is a strange day. When my alarm sang at 6 a.m. I leapt from bed to turn it off, crawled back under the covers and laid there, wide-eyed. I'm not tired! Unsure the last time I woke refreshed, I decided to make the most of it and complete day 3 of P90X: Shoulders, Arms and Abs. I did the workouts and pushed myself, sometimes using 20 pounds on biceps, and skipping two exercises to speed things along. Where did all this energy come from? The past few years I'd begun to dread my birthday, due in large part to being forgotten, but this year I talked about it with my husband and told him what I wanted, so over Easter weekend, he went and bought his favorite cake for me from Safeway and sang happy birthday to me with our family.

40! I screamed out the last rep as I completed it. I'd worked to exhaustion. Grinning, I gingerly picked myself up, feeling stronger and happy to feel so accomplished at 7:15 a.m. Maybe I'll do Yoga X later tonight? Or maybe I won't. Though I LOVE working out with my husband in the evenings, I've found that if I don't wake up and workout first thing, I am more likely not to complete it. So we'll see how it goes, but right now, having finished one workout and being a birthday girl are two pretty amazingly fun things, and I get both today.

As For the Carbs...

When I began this workout, I also started following the P90X nutrition guide. Like the exercises, the menu is designed in three stages, the first being called "The Fat Shredder." During this phase of nutrition, you nearly eliminate all carbohydrates, shovel in protein and reduce fat.

After getting used to buying liquid egg whites and eating more than I would on a typical day before P90X, I realized something startling, I don't miss the carbs. Now I think twice before grabbing an English muffin, making whole wheat toast or even eating oranges. Even without eating those foods, it is easy to exceed my daily carbohydrate level, and too much of anything is not good.

So what do I do? I usually start the day off great with breakfast, followed by an approved snack, healthy lunch and afternoon snack. Where I tend to fall apart is dinner, because by this time I've made four meals, (two breakfasts and lunches, and four snacks, some for my daycare kids and some for me) and by the time I reach dinner, I am either not hungry or tired of cooking. But I've still seen results: my jeans are looser, my stomach flatter and my energy level is higher. So while I don't follow the plan perfectly, it has still worked pretty good for me and I’d recommend it for people serious about taking their fitness to the next level.

Super Chillaxer

Today I feel less like Superwoman and more like Superchillaxer. Its been pretty laid back round here since I sent two of my kids home sick last week and they’ve yet to return. Apparently their mama thinks the sniffly nose and cough they started coming to me with is enough to keep them at. I think I get frustrated at that because I feel like the children staying home is a result unhealthy temper tantrums more than an illness, but I also enjoy a quieter space, so really it’s a winning situation for me.

To really chillax, I threw a movie on for the girls to watch while falling asleep and have spent their naptime chatting with my husband on IM and blogging, I’m making attempts to regain my creativity, while checking on them every few minutes. There are still dishes to wash, floors to clean and toilets to scrub, but for some reason those are low priority. Each new thought floods my mind in awe with the awesome weather outside, luminous storm clouds one minute, blinding sun the next, accompanied by an eager south easterly breeze. I want to go outside and play with my dog but I’m afraid I’d wake the girls thereby ending my lovely quiet time.

I’ve been thinking about different types of pre-school curriculum and how I can incorporate it into my daycare schedule. Having two infants really makes it difficult to implement a curriculum, though not impossible. I am so excited to help the kids learn and grow, it’ll be a hoot. I really should just make a plan and stick to it… We’ll see how it goes

Repeater Week 2: Day 1, Chest and Back

Remembering my early college days with my hubby, I visualized the fantastic body I owned. Each day I ran a mile and completed a pilates workout. I also regularly swam laps for my swim class, all of which led to my having amazing legs and a miraculously flat stomach, despite my habitual dinner of a ginormous chocolate chip cookie when cafeteria food lacked taste appeal, which was daily.

Last week’s workout schedule fell through the cracks, so I decided to repeat it. I’d planned to begin workout one on Sunday, but since I’d played softball once Saturday and once Sunday, I was pretty pooped. I played outfield and was ‘ever ready’ to catch the ball in my horse-stance squat. It was good for me, and thanks to week 1, I didn’t even notice I was getting a workout, until later.

Eager to return to an amazing body, my first day back to the P90X routine was Monday, though it was so late that my husband did it with me. Between butt slaps and teasing, we pushed each other to do more reps and work harder than either of us had worked out previously. When we were finished, I felt fantastic, and I’d the added bonus of a good time with my husband. If I ever enjoyed P90X before, having a partner I enjoy made it a million times better!

Day 1, Week 2: Chest and Back and Ab Ripper X

Blobs of jello dangle from my upper body. My workout was good and I pushed to the breaking point. At times my body would involuntarily collapse and I'd gingerly get up and shout, “I can do 1 more!” And I would, as if the verbal go ahead could by itself spiral wobbly limbs into action. I guess that’s the power of your mindset.

Of course, it likely helped that going into the workout I was so dang frustrated that I didn’t want to take crap from anything, not even myself, so I didn’t. And Ab Ripper was amazing (simulate sing-song voice in your head.) It hurt, I hurt, but I came out of it feeling stronger and sexier than I went in, and that’s what this is all about, when added with the amazing sense of accomplishment when you're through.

Fat Fueled Psycho

Sirens wailed in my head as I looked at the enormous figures sprawled across the page. I can't believe I've let myself go this far. I guess the ghastly bumps rising from my thighs and my ever expanding belly should have been a clue, but with unconditional love from my husband and best girlfriend, I’d believed I was amazing and perfect just how I was, but I knew the truth. I used their comments to buffer my internal honesty gauge, adding a few extra points to the "How hot am I" scale and ignoring the subtle changes in the mirror.

In an insane attempt to regain the body from my first year in college, I made the decision a week ago Sunday to begin an intense workout regimen known as P90X. With firmly pursed lips, I read my nutrition and workout guidebooks, took measurements and weighed in. I’ve got to get my body back.

Fat fueling my motivation, I mapped out the grueling journey in the 90 days ahead. I know their will be days when motivation is low and temptation is high, and days when I have energy to spare. Still I cannot shake the curious question; what will tomorrow bring?

Long Work Days

It's been a long day... long two days actually. Each waking at the but-crack of dawn and tumbling uncomfortably into bed after midnight fast asleep. Each I've also made tremendous headway preparing the house for childcare. Already it more resembles a home-care center than I thought I could accomplish; it makes me eager to meet my little ones.

There's only one problem. My licensing walk-through has been pushed back, again. The first time it wasn't too bad because it was just a day, but I missed a call from my licensor during my First Aid and Blood Born Pathogen training class. When I called her back at the break, she asked for an additional week. I am now scheduled for January 21.

This is really a blessing disguised- I know I'm not ready for the walk-through, but fighting the wave of disappointment is not easy. Se la vie. Faced with this conundrum of feelings, I can either make the best of it or wallow shortly and then pack it all in. Said that way, wallowing does not sound fun at all.

Hit by a Car, part 2

As we pulled into the empty lot of the closest vet in town, I tried to still the trembling in my stomach. Jumping from the car, I rang the emergency bell, hoping desperately that it would wake a cranky vet student from sleep on his books. It didn’t work.

Back in the car, my girlfriend was busily searching for phone numbers to vet clinics, looking for one open on weekends. We called several, but each directed callers to dial the an on-call pager, so she called.

The three-minute pause waiting for the vet to call back was terrible. Outside by the useless emergency bell, I paced like a caged lion. So I moved to the car and texted updates like a mad woman to my husband. Time. Empty space. Waiting... nothing. It was pure madness.

“Beep, beep.” The return call from the vet flashed through my text, scaring the bageezes from me so that I began stumbling with my phone like a hot potato. Managing to get a firm grasp, I answered a feeble ‘hello.’

“This is the on-call vet. I received a message to call this number. Is everything ok?” a young, female voice asked.

“My dog’s been hit by a car. Where should I take her?” Think Crissy! It a good thing I’m required to have directions to my house and emergency numbers posted next to my home phone to become licensed! For the first time, I doubted my ability to reiterate anything coherent in a crisis.

“Do you know where Associated Veterinary Clinic is?” the friendly vet replied.

Saying I did not, I listened to quick instructions and repeated them so my girl friend could begin driving. Taking the cue, she put the car in gear and sped beautifully out of the parking lot.

Spiced Chai

Do you ever have one of those days where things are only half completed? That's my day today. It's pretty much the end of my definable work day and I look around at a bunch of half-completed projects. I assure you, there is method to half of my madness...

So to harbor the approaching headache and ease my pre-license walk-through stress, I have before me a cup of Big Train Spiced Chai. If you've never tried it you really should. It's this wonderfully creamy blend of yummy and it tastes better than those expensive chai's you buy at coffee shops because you mix it yourself. My favorite combo is 8th Continent Soy milk, 1 scoop Big Train Spiced Chai, and a shot of Coconut liqueur all topped with hazelnut sprinkles. It's fantastic. The only thing you gotta watch out for is your kids, if you have them. Just one sip and they are begging for more!

Aside from chai, today's been pretty good. I finished my last baptismal class and set my baptism date for February 13, 2010. I'm a bit of a romantic, even when it comes to God, but I'm sure He doesn't mind! I only slightly worry that others will think I'm a bit off kilter, but I've decided not to care. Daily devotions make such a huge difference in my day and for the first time in my life God is real to me. I'm so fired up about God. Not in the truly thrilling experience of a good spiritual retreat, the kind that might wear away when you go home. It feels more like the slow burning fire that can heat up any wintery night. It's amazing and so much fun.

Maybe tomorrow I'll get more done. Se la vie!

Hit by a Car, part 1

Ding-dong! The bell echoed in my brain, disturbing all thoughts of paying the formidable stack of bills glaring up at me. Feeling better for the first time in a week, I raced to the door wondering if a friend was happening by. No such luck, I should have known anyway, friends just use the side door and don't bother knocking.

The tall young man wore a navy YMCA track suit and stood next to a girl with dark eye-liner; both looked lost.

"Do you own a brown dog?" he asked.

Brown dog? Dog. Harley! "Yes, I own a dog," I didn't think it was necessary to say she was really a red-wheaten color.

"I think we hit your dog," he said.

The girl tried to speak too, but I raced to the open side gate which should have been locked. "Harley!" I screamed, again and again. Filled with dread, I didn't know what to speak or think or do. Intense anger and sadness filled from my white-slippered feet to towel-dried head.

Then I saw her moving, slowly, toward me, favoring her right hind leg. When she reached me the blood near her soulful brown eye nearly sent me to tears. I wanted to scream, to cry out in agony, to pound my fists into the drivers car. How could he be so careless? How could he not have seen? She's a 62-pound dog!

I helped Harley settle into her kennel, her safe spot, before going back outside to talk to the couple.

"Are you willing to help cover any of the veterinary costs?" I didn't know any state laws, but that is what felt just and right to me. My dog is not just a pet, she is my friend, my family.

The girlfriend got defensive and started spouting something about the damage sustained to his car. Frankly, I didn't care what she thought, he was the person I was responsible to talking with as he was the negligent driver.

We exchanged numbers and he left.

But the excitement was far from over. My well-meaning hubby had accidentally taken my car keys on an out of town venture. We did have another car, but the battery was dead from the winter cold and not being used. I began dialing friends' phone numbers, praying that someone could help me.

I got through to my best girlfriend on the third ring. "Harley's been hit by a car and Jess is gone with my keys!"

"I'll be right there!"

You really do find out who your friends are. I could've called a half dozen others, I bet she's the only one that would have answered without listening to my message first.